High Anxiety & Family Acceptance Issues (Additional personal letter to My Family).

High Anxiety
My immediate family including myself… all have High Anxiety. My dad is in denial about it and my mother and brother take meds for it. I don’t take anything for it nor do I deny it… YET I’ve found ways to survive, move forward, conquer, preserve, and achieve some major goals… and I’ve got more to come. I wish they would do more of the same. What good are meds if you aren’t learning? I’m learning without them.

I had high anxiety just typing this note.

Family Acceptance Issues
I have less and less in-common with my family because they aren’t moving forward. It’s very sad… and angers me too. But it’s up to them now to make more of an effort. What, do I need to shout who I am for them to get it? It’s been a year in April. My ima is accepting so I know she is trying really hard. I know my brother has talked with me a lot and even stood up for me with other members of the family but…

My life moves fast and I’ve changed for the better. They really need to come out of their depression and move forward beyond their anxiety if they want to continue a positive relationship with me. My life is moving…. theirs isn’t. They need to accept this is me. I’m starting to feel really distance. I reach out and want to include them but my dad says next to nothing to me and my brother is in denial.

A letter to my family:

Maybe it’s time you communicate a little more and that everyone comes to the realization that the “David” that you knew, just as “David”, never existed. That was only one part of who I am. My name is Hadassah Davette Gavri’el Chayim. I’m not crazy, not insane, nor on puppet strings. You can’t honestly believe that I am “acting” when I am living 24/7 as a woman, going to an Endocrinologist, AND above all else I will have my testicles removed and my penis shaped into a vagina. I will one day have MAJOR surgery. This is very important to me and it’s about time that ALL of you step into reality and out of 1129. THIS IS happening. I don’t just enjoy wearing women’s clothes, I am a woman. Would you like to get to know me? Will you make the effort to get to know ME, a woman… your daughter and sister? I know parents (dad) you thought you had a second son and I know brother you thought you had a younger brother, but a sister can only be so much of a “brother” and a daughter can only be so much of a “son”. This is real, this is me. Thank you for the effort so far… but you are going to try a lot harder.

A Rule for my life: If any of you say “he” or “David” or anything male talking to me about me or about me to others I will not respond. That person doesn’t exist.

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An interesting connection between my transition and of the transition of an ancient land.

This ancient land I’ve called it Canaan and been happy calling it Canaan with a Palestinian and we made peace with that term. But calling it Canaan just will not fully work on the map. The land had a transformation from one type of people to another or mix there of… and Canaan became Israel and a new people were created. It transitioned and had a name change. I too am transitioning and having a name change. I like my old name just like I like the name Canaan. But “David” just doesn’t fit me anymore… just like “Canaan” or “Palestine” doesn’t fit Israel. My name is Hadassah, and Israel… is Israel. I can’t call a land something it just isn’t anymore or name that just doesn’t fit it.

A Middle Eastern country doesn’t deserve a Greek-Roman-Philistine name like “Palestine”… it deserves something authentic to its being. And something that fits its people. Just like I deserve a name matching my gender identity… not “David” (“David” became “Davette”). Just like I deserve a name that matches who I am as my own being. I’m Hadassah and that’s how it has to be and that’s how I want it… and it’s Israel and that’s how it needs to be.

That is my personal conviction. We don’t have to see things the same way… but I wanted to share.

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