Read at your own risk of TMI.


Transitioning: 2 Months on HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) as of the beginning of November 2011. Started at the beginning of September.


1. Change in production of well… you know… *whispers* “down there”.


2. I always had prominant nipples sticking out (areolas and nipples but not separately identified but just a peak) but now nipples are starting to get really sore the last few weeks with tougher tissue growth behind them which is probably the ducts forming on the inside. Bumps probably just the body developing are now lessening with just MORE growth outward (from what I already had), ducts (pores) leading to the nipple in the center were obvious within this past month. In otherwords where the where milk comes out. The Areola and the Nipple itself are beginning to be oviously different from each other… not drastic but I can see how the skin is spiraling/shaping differently. Diffinitely a center duck/pore now… a couple to a few on either side.


3. Breasts in general… well getting bigger.


4. Skin softer already…. so I wonder what it will become.


5. Hair on body growing slower… not extremly but somewhat.


6. Hair on head is thicker at the roots.


7. More hips. Fat shifting to hips making them bigger… and waist line appears smaller. Butt nice as always… if not even better. 😉


8. Loss of muscle mass on shoulders… I noticed that most recent in the last couple of days. My Trapezius which is a muscle connecting from the end of the shoulder blades (shoulders) to neck and then down part the middle of your back… has lost muscle mass. Meaning in short and in English my shoulders and center back muscle has shrunk. My shoulders are more boney. 


I do not want to see or hear on my page that “Jesus was the Passover Lamb.”

ONE: That’s blasphemy for it’s condoning human sacrifice on a Jewish holiday.


TWO: That’s anti-semitic for that reason and the following.
Jews have been blamed in the past for using children’s blood in matzah bread or some kind of cooking… which are lies because AGAIN Jews do NOT condone human sacrifice and are humane. Yet when you put Passover and human sacrifice in the same concept you are continuing that anti-Semitism just like those who claimed the previous sentence to be truth.

THREE: Most of you (not all) do not even celebrate Passover for you to even be saying he is the “Passover” sacrifice. He is your Easter sacrifice. Passover is a Jewish HOLIDAY and Jews do NOT condone human sacrifice whether you believe he is “God in the flesh…” that’s still in the flesh and bone human. If that’s your belief you have the right to believe it but just so you know… calling “Jesus the Passover sacrifice” creates a paradox because Jews do NOT believe in human sacrifice and Passover is a JEWISH holiday.

Thank all of you for NEVER posting these things on my page or trying to convert me. I’m so sick and tired of hearing and seeing it in other places.
All should celebrate as we wish… as long as it is humane. Keep up to date with your religion and its history.

When I was younger than 10 I was having a gender identity crisis and I was attracted to male and female individuals. I even experimented as a child. So children younger than 10 need to be educated at least on non-heterosexuality and transgender/transsexuality. I knew I wasn’t straight and I knew something with gender just wasn’t right. I wish I had people to educate me back then. I think we owe it to children to educate them on the diversity of sexuality, gender expression, and identity. They shouldn’t have to go through the years of depression I went through thinking that there is/was something wrong with them/me. They are beautiful and should know.

Having to shave every day and shave so close that I can actually wear a nice layer of make-up…. this is what we go through to be ourselves.

Why? Because I’d hate it worse if I didn’t do this.

My face is cut, burned, and bleeding from having to shave so close… and I have some acne. But I’d rather be a woman.

When I can… the facial hair will be removed.

If you date me or even care to try and understand Transsexual Women this is what you’ll encounter… these are the facts… this is my body right now. This will change.

Shula and I were in a predominantly “women’s” store the other day and a multi-generational family came in. A grandmother, mother, and son. The little boy was looking over the jewelry and wanted some. The grandmother and mother’s response was, “That’s girl things honey you don’t wear that.” That little “boy” had previously walked right up to Shulamit and I and just looked at us. And he turned and looked at me when they told him no. Is he really a she? Is he gay? Is he just into feminine things? I don’t know. But I think s/he wanted to tell us something that day.

I’ll be happy when the day comes that parents will raise their children wearing modest clothes that represent who that child wants to be.

My children no matter their genitalia will wear the clothes and accessories they desire within modesty.

I’ve noticed that some guys expect me to be extra feminine. I am a girl/woman who happens to be in touch with her masculine side from time to time. And that doesn’t mean I’m just playing around with gender. This is me… take it or leave it. Girls aren’t always ladies. I grew up with an older brother and as we know I was brought up to be a man. It was okay to be sensitive they always told me. But for me obviously it went deeper than that so now I’m transitioning. Growing up with an older brother I was surrounded a lot by football, video games, legos, cars, action figures etc. I LOVED legos, cars, and action figures… half cared for video games… and didn’t care for football. I think honestly things got broke in the house cause I didn’t care where the ball was going all the time because I didn’t really care to be throwing it. My brother and I would wrestle a lot… which was fun exercise honestly but I would get so angry and wild and turn into a cat like creature with claws or something and he would wind up bleeding. I don’t regret that that is how I grew up… I love my brother and I was at least a brother in some way to him growing up. I honestly feel though that most of that was still a part of me in some way…. just my majority of me was oppressed. I would find dolls that my great aunt had and I would play with the little furniture too. Whenever my cousins would visit I’d play with their dolls. I was so excited to do that!!! I enjoyed changing barbies clothes the most, heels and all. I still liked playing in the mud and sand… I found myself making mud pies and drawing on the outdoor furniture to make what could look like an oven. I’d plant flowers and climb trees and LOVE it. I even loved to swim and still do. The thing was I never liked going shirtless once I hit puberty. I didn’t want people seeing my chest. Partly because it never was very guy-ish in the first place and because they are nipples… I mean I just don’t feel right showing them. Now I know why I guess. I enjoy my time with my brother when we can talk about girls, life, spirituality, and whatever we can. I’m not always fully in the conversation I don’t think though. I don’t know what that is… maybe it’s because it’s the past. I think I would enjoy time with my brother outside of where he lives. I think any of my family I would enjoy more away from where I grew up. Too much past and not enough of them being in my present and future.

I want to continue my somewhat butch friendship with my brother…. it’s brother-like but at the same time it’s hard to even be that when I don’t feel me as a woman is accepted enough. Once all of me is accepted it’s easier to express myself.

I love climbing and hiking the mountains with my brother some and I do that for a couple days each year together. And I want to still do that… but I want to do it as a girl. I did last year. But I want to know how to do this stuff and still be kind of girly. Like be a *punch the brother slightly in the shoulder* type of girl and say “what’s up bro?” I mean I can do that… but it’s not something I can do often. It’s just not me most of the time. I only feel comfortable expressing that aspect of myself when my womanhood is accepted.

Driving home tonight from Temple I sat like a dude in the car most of the way… but would be miserable in guy clothes and what some people would see as a dude. I’m a girl….

Don’t say I am a man, don’t say I’m not a man, don’t say I’m not a woman… just say “She’s a woman.”

I’m not always going to be a “lady” I can’t. That’s just not me. But I can’t be a full “brother”… But I can be a sister who understands where a brother is coming from and can connect similarly to a brother. I mean my brother and I can talk about chicks at least. *laughs*

(Nothing brought this on tonight other than some music that reminded me of my brother.)

I like all sorts of people, but I’ve noticed… I’m comfortable with expressing all of me around masculine women who can express their feminine side or feminine women that are comfortable expressing their masculine side. I think it’s awesome!!! It’s kind of who I am anyway. Of course I like guys and girls but I’m talking about who I’m more alike.

Self-discovery is an amazing thing.

I want to climb a tree.

To summarize my own story using the Afterword I wrote and sharing more words on how I’ve pulled through and come out of the closet I hope to give hope to LGBT-APIQ individuals. They should know that they are valid not only to others but mainly to themselves and that higher self-esteem is the key.

I created this video as part of the “Give ‘Em Hope” Initiative Campaign started by David E. Watters with NBI Associates (UK).